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(1)Midway Tactics



Midway Tactics

  Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

  The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".








(2)Very Pleased to Meet You


Very Pleased to Meet You 

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

  One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

  Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

  Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."

 "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

  "Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."

  "I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"










(3)West Point


West Point

My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

 One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."




(4)Present for Girlfriend


Present for Girlfriend

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.

 The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."




(5)Be Careful What You Wish For


Be Careful What You Wish For 
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

 During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

 The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

 Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

 The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.








(6)Best Reward


Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.

  "The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."





(7) Napoleon was ill











Best Reward

(7)Napoleon Was Ill












(7)Napoleon was ill


















 Napoleon was ill

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

  "He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."

 "No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"

 "Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."







(8) He was only wrong by two





Best Reward


He was only wrong by two

 Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.

 One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first."

 Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.

At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?"

The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."

The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."










(9)A Fine Match


 A Fine Match

  One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."

  The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.

  Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!







(10)Ground Rules


Ground Rules

 One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running."





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